Saturday, January 30, 2016

18 adults reveal the most damaging things their parents said to them when they were children

                    Unhappy child
  
The likelihood is that during your lifetime, someone will have said something that has stuck with you ever since.
Whether it was a compliment, insult or a flippant comment that wasn't intended to cause pain, words can have a lasting and often damaging effect on our minds - and that often begins in childhood.
Those hurtful words can come from the people you trust the most and, in the cases of the adults below, from your own parents .

After Mirror Online published an online discussion on the most psychologically damaging thing a parent can say to a child , we asked readers to share their thoughts and were inundated with stories from their childhoods.
Below are what adults claim to be the worst things their parents ever said to them in the hope that others won't do the same to their children. If you would like to share yours, you can do so via the form at the bottom of the article.

                   Scared child
  

1. "I wish you'd never been born"

- Angela Mountford, Stoke-on-Trent

2. "It's your fault your mum died"

Karen Tallon, from Peterborough, said: "By far one of the worst things my dad ever said to me was to blame me for my mum dying (she had cancer and she died when I was nine).
"There was only my dad and I left after mum died, and I was the one who was doing all the housework, cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing, ironing etc. and it was never good enough for him.
"As I grew older he did apologise for all the things he said and I accepted the apology, however it still hurts that he said it all at the time. I would ask people to please never put your child down like that, it does stay with them."

3. "It's a shame your mum's abortion failed..."

"...because you were the worst mistake I've ever made." - Jon Stolec, Leeds

4. "I've got to love you but I don't like you"

Hayley from Preston said: "My mum always used to say: 'I've got to love you because you're my daughter but I don't like you very much' - it always stuck with me.
"I think telling a child 'I'll do it later I'm busy' is awful. It sounds like other things are more important than them.

5. "I bet your sister wouldn't have done that to me"

"My sister was stillborn. That always made me feel second-best to a sibling I never had. How was I ever meant to compete with that?" - Anonymous, Manchester

6. "You were a mistake"

"My mum said a few things that I still, at 33, remember. She told me a few times that me and my little brother were mistakes. I was a missed pill and my brother was a split condom!
"She also told us that my dad only saw us because he had to. She also used to call me a b***h so to this day I hate that word. Needless to say, I've not seen her for many years.
"Now I have my son I'm always very mindful of what I say to him so he doesn't feel the way I did and still do." - Anonymous, Loughborough

                     Sad girl sitting outdoors

7. "Don't be stupid! Are you stupid?"

"When I first became a mum, I decided that the words 'stupid' and 'idiot' will NEVER be used under my roof and in my family. - Suzanne, Milton Keynes

8. "Why can't you be like your sister/brother?"

- Joanne Murray, Manchester
"Your brother/sister was never like this!" - Comparing one child to another is possibly the most damaging thing you can say to a child and will stick with them throughout that child's whole life. I would know." - Anonymous, London

9. "I am going to run off and leave you and never come back."

- Richard Fisher, Hull

10. "It's no wonder nobody wants to be your friend"

"It was something along those lines," says Dorothy, from Dublin, "My mum said it out of anger and apologised but she's said it a few times now and it really, really hurts my feelings."

11. "I should have had you all drowned at birth"

As well as "you're as thick as two planks of wood" - Anonymous, London

12. "You're not right in your head"

Judith Tyler, from Surrey, also said "you need your head testing" was another frequent comment from her father, as was "well, don't you know that?" - all in "malevolent tones". She adds: "Total silence was worse than saying any hurtful thing. I didn't then exist."

              Child Abuse

13. "I lost interest in you when you reached age 12"

- Susan French, Wolverhampton

14. "If you keep eating, you'll end up the size of a house"

"Personal experience for me when I was younger was that I was unintentionally made to believe I was 'fat' by my nan. It wasn't until a few months ago (I'm now 22) that I came across some photos of myself when I was aged between 12 and 16 where I finally saw myself to be very, very slim. I spent my entire adolescence believing I was huge!" - Anonymous, Haywards Heath

15. "I can't stand the sight of you."

- Anonymous, Grays

16. "You're brain dead"

"My husband was always telling our children they were 'brain dead' if they made silly mistakes

"The way he spoke to them was a constant source of arguing in our house, it also caused me to let them get away with things I wouldn't have otherwise." - Anonymous, Balbriggan

17. "You would be beautiful if you just lost all that weight"

"Or 'you need to get that weight off you', or any comments relating to a negative perception of a child's appearance." - Anonymous, County Meath

18. "You are so ugly when you smile"

- Alexander Johnsen, Norway

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